Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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