Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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