I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
