I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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