i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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