where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
