I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
