what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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