Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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