She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
