Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
