the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
