Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
