Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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