It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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