bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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