Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
