I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
