Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He shit in the fireplace
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
