Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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