Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
