Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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