tell your sister to shave her snatch
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
