Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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