K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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