i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
