Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
