Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
