Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I want to fling myself into the sun
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
