I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
