Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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