I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
