Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
