He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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