It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
