have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
