I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
