he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
