Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
