in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
