you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
