I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
