It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
