If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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