wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
