dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
