It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
