There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
