where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
