I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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