Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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