You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
