I love black thongs
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Are these your boobs on my camera?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
